Record Your Story and Prepare a Legacy
If not now, when? -- Hillel
Record your story for your own and your children’s sake whether or not you have a life-threatening disease. As a mother says, “We never know what’s going to happen to us at any time.”
We believe all parents should responsibly prepare for their eventual death:
- Prepare a will disposing money and tangible possessions
- Have an advanced directive for health care
- Appoint a durable power of attorney for health care and finances
- Have a guardianship plan for your children
- Create lasting memories for children
Doing this does not hasten death: We have worked with seriously ill mothers who are living many years after completing the project.
Mothers say:
- “I view it as a work in progress. I’ll add to the story later.” -- MGN
- “If I were cured, I would still want my kids to have the tapes.” -- DL
- “It’s cathartic. It’s a piece of work done. It doesn’t make me feel like oh good, now I can die.” -- LSB
Some benefits mothers have identified from recording their stories:
- Accomplish something for the children
- Enlarged perspective on life beyond illness/integrate illness into life story
- Celebrate and value their lives
- Self-expression and validation
- Being heard and received
- Find meaning in the situation
- Discover new insights and understanding about self
- Know they will be remembered and that their parenting will continue
- Restore some sense of control
- Opened communication in family
- Sense of relief and peace
Ways to create lasting memories for your children:
- Keep a journal
- Save your daily/monthly diaries
- Arrange photo albums and scrapbooks; write the stories behind the photos
- Collect family recipes
- Research family genealogy (family tree showing descent from your ancestors)
- Make a medical family tree (medical conditions of ancestors)
- Record your personal history (life stories & experiences) —audiotape, videotape, writing
- Record your Ethical Will (written or spoken letter evaluating your life and passing on life lessons, wisdom, advice, and wishes)
- Prepare cards or gifts for future special occasions like major birthdays, graduations, marriage
- Collect or list your favorite poems, songs, or books
- Make a quilt
Do what feels natural for you and keep it simple; don’t make a monster out of the project. Choose one project at a time. Doing even one small thing, like writing a letter, is valuable. Let your imagination and your energy guide you.
Most people can’t do this alone, even when in good health:
- Ask a friend or family member to help you, but make sure it’s someone who will respect your wishes, contain his/her emotions, and listen well to you
- Explore free or low-cost writing groups or life story services at local agencies
- Hire a professional personal historian (www.personalhistorians.org; www.ethicalwill.com; www.thelegacycenter.net)
- Read Another Morning to learn about how and why mothers with cancer have recorded their stories and created memories for their children
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