RECORD STORIES
Many people want to refer an ill parent to the MLS Project or to help record the life story of a friend or family member who is sick. But they are afraid to do so because they don’t know how to bring up the subject. They fear that doing so suggests that the ill person won’t make it. Or they wait until a person is in hospice care before making the suggestion, and it’s often too late.
MLS has these core values which we communicate to mothers:
- All of us, especially parents, have a responsibility to prepare for death
- Facing our own mortality can help us live more fully and meaningfully in the present
- It’s better to do this when healthy or early on after being diagnosed with a disease
- Our stories are works-in-progress that continue to change
- Trust your intuition; if you truly believe that doing this will undermine your will to live, then don’t do it now (hardly anyone ever refuses the opportunity when offered help with the project in a sensitive way)
If you, as a professional or caring friend, haven’t faced these issues or done the preparation, it becomes harder for you to suggest it to someone who is ill. You can say (if you mean it), “You know I realize that I should do this, too, even though I am not sick right now.”
- Take the time to think and have conversations about these issues with your own loved ones
- See www.personalhistorians.org and www.ethicalwill.com for books, resources, or professional help with recording your own or someone else’s life story and legacy
- Gift a gift to a parent who is ill by buying the professional help of a personal historian if it’s too hard for you to take on the project yourself
- Never make the suggestion or referral in a way that might undermine a person’s will to live
- See our suggestions to ill parents for some ways to think about this: For Ill Parents: Record your Story and Prepare a Legacy
- If the person you care about has died, you can help make a memory book for the children by collecting letters, photos and memorabilia about the deceased parent. Continue to talk to the children about the parent. Share stories and memories. See www.mommyslight.org for more ideas.
|
